Well 2012 was not my best year. Though the event of it I came to the conclusion that people just do not care about or my concerns. Its hard to get past it when the same things keep on popping up over and over again.
I started to get bored of my church calling about a year ago and asked to be released and I listed the reason why I wanted out. Well when they called me to a new calling it had every reason why I hated my current calling. While I did accept the calling I made it clear that I did not really want for said reason. As well as other. The bishop told me not to worry about it that that he would call other in the committee so make it so that I wouldn’t have to do everything. And he never did. I felt that he just said what was every best at the moment to get me to accept the calling. This was the last time I felt that the bishop did something like this to me.
I also had a big issue with my home teaching list. It was pretty much the opposite of a visiting teaching just mainly dudes. I didn’t think I was asking for much to make it more balance. I felt that every time I got my home teaching list was this way. I went to the elder quorum after each time getting it and asked for change. I kept on be told that it will be change and then followed by some lame excuse why it was change. Like 'Oh we must of forgot to do it' or 'we did change it but we must of unchanged it when we realized their roommate was being taught by someone one else' or 'Its to hard to make the list even because there is more girls that are living with each other then guys so it cant be done' To which I thought ok a ratio of 9 guys to 2 girls is no the reason why that is but what ever. Then one time I found out that they where making changes to the list. I sent a quick text that said 'be sure to add some girls my home teaching list'. I got a text back saying 'how do you know we are redoing them' to which I responded back 'I know everything'. When Sunday rolled around I got my home teaching list and it was the same as before. So I pretty much threw the list back in one of the counselor face and walked out of the church. We did come by my place that day and we talked about it. Then a few days later The president talked with me about it. 1 person was added after that I was still unhappy about it (it was more a slap in the face to me. we know that you have an issue with this so we will just add one name to your list). It seemed like they just didn’t cared about it enough to change it. because after all I am a loser why should they care.
I stayed in the singles ward for a while longer but I realized after awhile this ward is not for me. So i started to go to a family ward where I figured you know what they wont care about me as well because I am a single guy and I’m ok with that because I expect that of a family ward and not a singles ward. So i went each week and really didn’t talk to anyone nor did anyone talk to me much but I was ok with it.
So I moved about 7 or 8 months after that and started to go back to a singles ward. And my not really talking to people carried over with me I guess. I will talk to people who talk to me but that’s about that. But anywho I got my home teaching list this past Sunday and it is the same as it was in my other singles ward. I really don’t want to have to deal with this again so why not start going to a family ward again where i know my place and where i expect to be the weird guy in the ward. Am I made out for a singles ward or should I just except who I am and go to a family ward. My guess is no one will read this anyway.
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2 comments:
Eric's HT list is always tons longer than my VT list and it has like two families and then 5 or 6 single semi/inactive men. Maybe they give you 3 or 4 active people and then a bunch of inactive people who happen to be men? I'm sorry that's making you feel angry/not listened to. I've learned that people in the church are human and not perfect and they make mistakes. Even - no ESPECIALLY - those in leadership positions (that's a hard place to be with lots of responsibility and hard decisions to make...better them than me, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt). I've also learned that people very rarely go out of their way to talk to me. If I want to get to know someone, I have to get out of my comfort zone and walk up to them. That's hard for me and so I don't do it a lot but I accept that being/having friends is largely my responsibility.
You're not a loser, Ben. But I feel like you're kind of angry and sad right now and that hurts my heart for you. I hope you can find a way to forgive those who are hurting you because I can see it weighing you down. You're a good person, funny and smart and hardworking and kind. Live your life the way God wants you to and try not to let what other people think or do affect how you feel about yourself. Know that your family loves you and will always be there for you. No matter what Ben. No matter what. We'll take you any way, shape, or form.
I love you!
I had stopped looking at your blog, because you never updated it. I noticed tonight that there was an update.
Are things better now?
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